🔗 Share this article

When I came of age in the 1990s, the government gave the impression that income inequality based on sex was best addressed by telling girls that they could do anything. Bold, bright pink advertisements told me that institutional and cultural obstacles would crumble before my self-belief.

Researchers have since refuted the notion that an individual can fix their lives through upbeat attitudes. An author, in his publication Selfie, unpacks how the capitalist fallacy of fair competition fuels much of self-help culture.

Yet, I still feel remains convinced that by putting in the work and create a firm goal map, I can realize my deepest aspirations: the only thing standing between me and my destiny lies within myself. Where can I locate a point of equilibrium, a stability between having faith in my boundless abilities but avoiding self-reproach for all missteps?

The Key Lies in Modesty

The resolution, per a fourth-century philosopher, a North African Catholic bishop, centers on meekness. He stated that humility served as the base of all other virtues, and that for someone seeking God “the first part involves humility; the following, meekness; the final, humility”.

As someone who left the church in my case, the concept of meekness can evoke multiple adverse reactions. My upbringing occurred during a period in Catholicism when worrying about appearance equated to narcissism; physical attraction was deemed improper apart from having children; and just thinking about masturbation was a punishable offence.

I doubt that the saint meant this, but for many years, I conflated “modesty” with embarrassment.

Healthy Humility Does Not Involve Self-Hatred

Embracing modesty, based on mental health expert Ravi Chandra, is not about hating oneself. A person with balanced humility is proud of their skills and accomplishments while acknowledging that learning never ends. The psychiatrist describes multiple forms of modesty: respect for diversity; meekness across ages; modesty in knowledge; meekness about what one knows; humility of skill; humility of wisdom; modesty in the face of wonder; and humility in the face of suffering.

Mental health investigations has likewise discovered a range of benefits stemming from modesty in intellect, including increased toughness, patience and bonding.

Humility in Practice

During my career providing emotional care at senior facilities, I currently view modesty as the practice of attending to others. Modesty is an act of re-grounding: coming back, breath by breath, to the carpet beneath my shoes and the human being before me.

A few people who tell me identical stories drawn from their experiences, over and over again, during each visit. Instead of watching the clock, I attempt to hear. I aim to remain inquisitive. What can I learn from this individual and the stories that have stayed with them when so much else has gone?

Philosophical Stillness

I strive to adopt the philosophical approach that theological scholar Huston Smith described as “inventive calm”. Ancient Chinese sages encourage humans to calm the identity and reside in sync with the universe’s rhythm.

This may be highly applicable as humans seek to repair the destruction people have inflicted to the natural world. In her book Fathoms: The World in the Whale, writer Rebecca Giggs notes that practicing humility helps us reunite with “the animal inside, the entity that fears in the face of the unknown". Taking a position of humility, of not-knowing, enables us to recognize people are components of an expansive system.

The Beauty of Meekness

There is a barrenness and gloom that comes with believing you can do anything: success – whether this means becoming wealthy, shedding pounds, or winning the presidential race – becomes the only acceptable option. Meekness permits elegance and failure. I am humble, grounded in reality, implying all necessities are present to flourish.